Most women don’t realize it is vitally important for their husband to feel like a winner. It impacts how they show up in the world and in their marriage.
When they feel like a winner, they show up like a winner! But when they feel like a failure, they show up like a failure. Make sense?
Who do you want to live with? A winner or a failure? I know you said, “A winner!”
So, in this podcast I am going to give you 3 simple tips to help your husband feel like a winner — because you can significantly influence this! I hope you’ll tune in!
For more inspiration, join me in my private A Life Designed community on Facebook.
Also, I have created a free Marriage Communication Masterclass for you! This class is for you if you want to stop fighting with your husband and feel like you are on the same team.
Welcome to A Life Designed.
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to get everything done and still have time and energy for themselves. My passion is for helping women create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in those most important relationships.
The topic for today’s podcast is Why You Want to Make Your Husband Feel Like a Winner
But before we get started I want to let you know I have created a free video on Communication in Marriage for you. This video is for you if you have ever felt like you can’t get through to your husband. If you feel like your husband never listens to you. If you lose your cool during difficult conversations. If you’re tired of fighting with your husband.
In just 30 minutes, this video will help you lay the foundation for healthy communication in marriage and teach you how to handle difficult conversations so you can feel more connected and like you’re on the same team as your husband. Visit the link in the show notes to access it.
Also I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. I hope you’ll join us!
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about Why You Want to Make Your Husband Feel Like a Winner
Once Paul and I were at a charity event at an organization called Feed My Starving Children. We were packing meals for needy children in Africa. This was an event organized by my husband for his team.
As we were packing, my husband was trying to rally the troops and speed them up so we could pack more meals than the other teams around us. He said. “I wanna go home a winner!” Kind of more to himself than the whole team at large. Then he said, “I don’t get to do that all the time.” Referring to challenges at work that keep him from feeling like a winner.
This was all being spoken really quick and in a fun tongue-in-cheek kind of way. Those in ear shot of him laughed.
But then. A man standing next to me said. “Yeah, then when I go home I definitely don’t feel like a winner.”
Girls. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Oh my gosh! I can’t believe he said that. It broke my heart. This poor guy.
That is so sad. Here is this man who is trying to be a winner at work and trying to be a winner at home, and he doesn’t feel like he is winning at either. I don’t know about you, but I DO NOT want my husband to feel like that.
I also feel for his wife. Clearly she is not happy, or she would not be tearing her husband down at night when he comes home from work. I am certain she does not realize she is doing it or how to stop it. I so wish I could get to her and teach her what I am about to teach you.
The truth is. Your husband cannot bear to think he is a failure in your eyes. It’s truly painful for him. He already feels like an imposter all on his own.
Did you know that 76% of men say they are not as confident as they look. And they feel they are always being judged. This is research conducted by Shaunti Feldhahn for her book For Women Only.
Here’s something you should know. The question constantly running through your husband’s mind is, “Do I measure up?”
So. Let’s be mindful of this! And work to build them up. Let’s be their biggest cheerleader. Let’s be sure to tell them every day how much we appreciate them. Let’s thank them for all they do for us. Let’s discern if every negative, nitpicky thought we think needs to come out of our mouths. Right? Maybe a little filtering?!
Now, I want to do more than just encourage you today. I want to give you practical tools to work on this. To work on building your husband up. So he can feel like a winner at home, no matter what is going on at work.
Let me say, if you are in a tough spot with your husband right now. I see you. And I know that what I am saying might be hard to hear or believe. But have faith. Hang in there. And give this a try!
Part of why we struggle so much in marriage is that men need to receive love differently than women know how to give it. And vice versa.
For women, we want to feel loved for who we are on the inside. But men, want to be respected for who they are on the outside. So they can feel like a winner!
I am going to share 3 things you can do TODAY to speak directly to your husband’s heart. 3 things that will make him feel like a winner.
I hope you have pen and paper ready, because this is your action plan!
The first thing you can do is text, call or email your husband and express appreciation for something he has recently done.
Did he take out the trash before work today?
Did he pay the bills over the weekend?
Did he do something nice for of the children?
Did he listen to you when you were complaining about something?
Think on this for a few minutes and find something meaningful. Even if you think it’s something he SHOULD be doing anyway. Trust me on this. It will not backfire.
If you need scripture to back this up – how about Proverbs 25:11 “The right word at the right time is like golden apples in silver jewelry.”
A great thing to thank him for is going to work to support your family. Seriously. You will melt his heart if you will say, “Thank you for working so hard to support our family. I am really grateful for that.”
It might feel weird to you to thank him for going to work for your family. I know. But men thrive on respect. So when you tell your husband you appreciate him going to work for you, he feels respected by you, and this makes him feel like a winner!
OK. So that was tip number one. Express Appreciation.
Tip number two is to do something nice for him.
I recommend you try to think of something out of the ordinary that you might not normally do – to make sure your message is heard. If you know your husband’s love language, that would be helpful here.
For example, if his love language is acts of service, maybe you could do a little service project for him that would help him that he would appreciate. Or maybe make one of his favorite dinners. You know your husband best. Think on this for a moment and pick something!
If your husband’s love language is gifts, you could go out and buy him something small that you know he has been wanting. Or you could buy him something special at the grocery store that is only for him!
If your husband’s love language is quality time. Perhaps you could do something with him that you normally do not do. For example, if you don’t normally watch his favorite sport with him, because you hate it, perhaps you could tonight as a way to speak love to him.
If your husband’s love language is words of affirmation, the first tip will help you, but perhaps you could take it a step further and write out a card. Or put a love note in his work bag. Or a note on his bathroom mirror.
Finally, if your husband’s love language is physical touch, perhaps you could give him a massage or be sure to save him enough energy for some intimacy this evening. He will love that! Trust me!
OK! So that is tip number two. Find something nice to do for your husband today.
Finally, tip number three is to GREET HIM AND REALLY LISTEN to him when he comes home from work tonight.
This one is more difficult than it seems. Because we are so busy as moms. We often allow our husband to come into the home without fanfare after he was gone all day working for us.
A welcome home greeting sends a message of love and respect.
So, what do I mean by this? When your husband comes home from work. Stop what you are doing and greet him with a hug or a kiss or even just your eye contact. Be intentional about welcoming him home.
Make sure the kids come to greet him too!
OK. So that part is easy. But here’s where it might get trickier.
When he speaks to you about his day, pause what you are doing to actively listen. If you are chopping vegetables for dinner, put down the knife. Make eye contact. Listen.
Here is something really helpful – when your husband starts talking about his day, do not judge what he says. Do not tell him he handled something wrong. This is where a lot of us go wrong.
You think because your husband is sharing these things that you should chime in with your wisdom. You think your husband is asking your advice. He’s not. He is seeking your respect. He wants you to say you think he handled it well! He wants to impress you with what he did that day.
Even if you disagree with him, withhold your urge to give advice. Just listen. And when he’s done, say something like, “Thank you for sharing that. I love hearing about your day.” Remember. Your job is to support and cheer him on and make him feel like a winner!
Listening to him this way will make him feel very respected! And THIS will increase his feelings of love for you. Did you catch that. When your husband feels like you believe he is a winner. He is much more likely to give you the love you need in return. But when he thinks you believe he is a loser, it causes him to be defensive, back away and try less.
Let that sink in for a minute.
OK. I hope this was helpful. Give it a try for a day. Or for 5 days. I would love to hear how it goes!
I know this is easier said than done, so if you would like to work on this with a coach, reach out to me for a complimentary consultation. We can take a look at where you are, where you want to be and what is holding you back.
Remember to download my free marriage communication masterclass and don’t forget to join the Life Designed Community on Facebook!