What to do When You've Lost Yourself in Motherhood and Marriage

If you feel like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood and marriage, this episode is for you.

I am going to share with you:

• Why this happens.
• Why we should do something about it.
• What we can do about it.
• And the amazing benefits of taking the time to rediscover our beautiful selves.

I recorded this message for you from my heart -- one mom to another — I hope you’ll tune in.

If you're tired of feeling exhausted all of the time, download my Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care HERE!

And join us in the Life Designed Community on Facebook!

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to A Life Designed.
 
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to get everything done and still have time and energy for themselves. My passion is for helping women create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in those most important relationships.
 
The topic of today’s podcast is What to Do When You’ve Lost Yourself in Motherhood and Marriage
 
But before we get started I want to let you know I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. It’s actually a happy place on facebook. I hope you’ll join us!
 
Also, I have created a free download call the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care. I’m really proud of this guide. It’s a Guide to help you take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit so you can feel like your best self every day. And in case you didn’t know, self-care is the very first step to take if you feel like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood and marriage! Visit my website tinahaisman.com to download it.
 
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about What to Do When You’ve Lost Yourself in Motherhood and Marriage
 
I know I don’t need to tell you. We moms have so many big responsibilities. We have children to raise, houses to clean, marriages to energize, families to nurture, careers to manage, friendships to cultivate and more. 
 
Deadlines are constantly looming – do the laundry, do the dishes, make the lunches, balance the checkbook, make the dinner, plan the birthday party, get to school on time, get to work on time … ALL. THE. THINGS! I’m exhausted just talking about it.
 
Being a mother is constant. It never stops. There is more written on each one of our daily “to do” lists than is humanly possible to achieve.
 
And as if that’s not frustrating enough, we’re supposed to make motherhood look easy and show up to every function smiling and looking like beauty queens. 
 
But, how is all of this possible with so much to do? Where are we supposed to find the time and energy to do it all? Something has to give right?
 
Often, what the woman gives up is her own personal pursuit of the things she loves. Her passions and interests. 
 
We do this lovingly and with the intention of being there for our husband and our children. 
 
But the problem with this is that it causes us to slowly lose sight of who we are. 
 
We become so immersed in all of this responsibility that all of those things that we used to love to do with our free time are long gone, because we don’t even know what free time looks like anymore.
 
Or. If you’ve ever been lucky enough to get some free time, you spend the whole time trying to figure out what to do. Have you ever been there?
It’s easy to do.
 
I think many of us go through a period of being lost. But then when you realize it, it’s time to be found again. Rediscovered. 
 
How do we do that? Well, there are different ways. Some will work better than others. 
 
The approach I’d like to take today is by reconnecting with our creativity and our passions. 
 
With getting our spark back. With remembering what we love. And what brings us joy. And what brings a smile to our face.
 
I want to give you permission to do this. And show you that this permission does not come from me, but rather from God. Our creator. 
 
God is the original creator. He gave us our unique gifts and talents and passions. And he wants us to pursue them.
 
Pursuing our passions and tapping into our God-given creativity is honoring to God. 
 
I love what Author Julia Cameron says, “Creativity is God's gift to us. Using creativity is our gift back to God.” 
 
If we look at it in this way, we can see that pursuing our passions and creativity is not a luxury. Although it can sure feel like it!
 
If we don’t take the time to do it, we lose our passion and purpose and find ourselves trying to give from an empty glass. I know! I’ve been there!
 
And so my message for you today is that you don’t have to give up your passions once you become a wife and mother.
 
In fact. It’s vital that you don’t. 
 
Because pursing our passions and creativity makes us better able to take care of our families. It helps us be better parents and wives.
 
So, the question is what do you love to do? What do you enjoy? What makes you smile? What brings you joy?
 
Do you know what you love to do without even thinking about it? So many of us get stuck here. 
 
If you get stuck here, please take the time to continue to think about it. Don’t just give up. This is important!
 
You can also look at what you used to love doing as a child and what you used to do before you were married and had children.  
 
Is it reading a good book, writing, gardening, painting, jewelry making, scrapbooking, drawing, daydreaming, traveling … take some time to reflect on what you did for fun before you were married and had children.
 
I ask my clients to make a list and keep it somewhere easily accessible so they can add to it over time. Then you keep this list handy for when you get a smidge of free time. But not only that. 
 
In addition to that! We want to get intentional about incorporating these things into our lives. Girlfriends. Happiness does not happen haphazardly. We need to be intentional about going for it!
 
And yes, you do have time for enjoyment and happiness. More than you think.
 
Because when you are happy, your life is easier. Things flow better. Things get done faster than when we are unhappy, tired and uninspired.
 
For example, one thing I absolutely love to do is connect with nature. So, I asked for a membership to our local botanical gardens for Mother’s Day so I can go walking there whenever I want!
 
The easy part was receiving the membership as a gift. The hard part is actually making time to get there! 
 
We can’t let excuses get in the way!! It’s OK call on our helpers. Our husband. Our family. Our friends. Those who love you will be happy to help you in this way.
 
If you take care of your own needs, you will be happier and will function better as a mother and wife … and as an added bonus … you can bring this creativity into your marriage and parenting. 
 
For example … 
 
Maybe your marriage could benefit from some something fresh! If your creative juices are flowing you might be able to think up a fun, new date night idea? Or a fun surprise for your husband.
 
One way my husband and I used our creativity was when our date night didn’t go as planned. 
 
We were going to have dinner and bowl at one of those places where you just reserve a spot for both. Our dinner reservation went fine, but there was going to be an hour wait to bowl, and we didn’t want to wait.
 
Instead of giving up completely, we came home and made the night special from there. 
 
We went home, told the kids that we were still on our date and not to be bothered. Grabbed a bottle of wine and went into the basement to be alone and started putting together a puzzle. 
 
We had so much fun and great conversation!
 
Then I framed the puzzle for him and hung it up in the basement! It was a wonderful time and a wonderful way to be creative with life! And now we have a memory hanging in the basement!
 
Another way creativity and passion can help you is in your parenting. If you’re feeling filled and inspired, you might come up with the idea to change up your schedule a bit. Or have a dinner picnic instead of eating at the table. Or try out a new park instead of your regular old park … just for kicks! 
 
One of my most favorite creative parenting moments was the time I convinced my daughter to put socks on by having her put them in the freezer first! NO lie! She said she didn’t want to put them on because they were too hot … so putting them in the freezer to cool off was my creative solution to get her to comply! 
 
You see! You can’t give from an empty well. It’s really hard to be creative in our lives when we are all dried up.
 
Our joy and happiness multiply when we allow ourselves to pursue our passions and fill ourselves up. We are better humans. Better mothers and better wives.
 
So, I hope this message is a call to you to get back out there and do what you love to do!
 
If this topic resonated with you, and you’re ready to go from barely surviving in life to majorly thriving, let’s set up a time to chat. Message me so I can help you. 
 
In the meantime. Remember! I have created the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care to help you feel like your best self every day. You will find it on my website.
 
Don’t forget to join the Life Designed Community on Facebook! 
 
Thank you! See you next week!