We are all at home right now with our families. Spending more time together than usual.
In the beginning, this was probably OK, but for some of us, the honeymoon might be over and we might be feeling more frustration, annoyance and friction.
So, I wrote todays podcast to give you some tools to help you cope with that.
Because I know none of us want to feel that way. And when we do, it takes us further away from our loved ones, instead of drawing us more near to them.
My prayer is that this podcast will help you maintain and strengthen the bonding connection you have with your family.
I also have a new free download for you today to deepen the impact of the podcast for you. It’s a FREE Daily Gratitude Journal. Download it HERE!
And for more positive inspiration, join us in the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
Welcome to A Life Designed.
My name is Tina Haisman. I help women who value connection with their loved ones above all else, but are struggling with the overwhelm of trying to balance everything in life.
When they work with me, they discover how to design their life so they can enjoy the connection they are seeking.
Ironically enough, the topic of today’s podcast is … What to do When Your People are Driving You Crazy
But before we get started, I have something for you. It is a Daily Gratitude Worksheet. That you can use to cultivate more gratitude in your life. I will put the link for you to download it in the show notes.
I would also like to invite you to my private group on Facebook where you can come to get positive inspiration for your life. Search A Life Designed in the facebook search bar.
Now let’s dive in and talk about What to do When Your People are Driving You Crazy
First I should mention that today’s podcast, is being written during the time when many of us have “shelter in place” orders in our states or cities due to the COVID-19 virus.
I don’t know if any of you are like me, but I’m used to being a work at home mom. Home alone all day while my kids are at school. Right now everyone is at home with me.
Even as I am writing this podcast for you, I just had to say out loud to my people, “ummm, this is not an environment conducive to work.”
I was trying to be funny, but serious at the same time, because I was trying to concentrate on my thoughts! But the boys were busy gabbing about something Tyler is working on.
I’m sure you have similar situations in your house.
And so, you might be feeling this stress too. It’s really hard to find time alone or time to concentrate when everyone is home 24/7.
Even as I continue to write, one of my children keeps coming to talk to me when I am trying to write. This makes frustration rise up in me. You might feel that way too if you are trying to get some work done.
And so our stress levels and frustration levels might be higher than normal. Not to mention that this whole situation is scary and stressful in itself. I’m going to show you a healthy way to deal with all of this.
So, although I’m sharing these with you now, you can use them at any time, because when you live in close quarters with someone, you are bound to feel like they are driving you crazy at one time or another.
The first thing I want you to know is that if you are in an annoyed state right now, nothing has gone wrong. That’s OK. It’s normal. But you probably don’t want to stay there. I don’t either. It’s not fun and only makes me feel worse.
Today I’ve got a strategy you can use to feel better.
Grab your journal and a pen. We are going to have a little venting session.
Start by writing down everything that is annoying you and how it makes you feel. Go for it. No censoring here. Get it all out!
This will feel so good. It is healing, because it honors the feelings you have. It is healthy, because it allows you to take out your frustration on paper, instead of on another human. It also allows you to slow down and evaluate what you are thinking and how you are feeling, which can be helpful in giving you perspective.
Now, I am going to give you an invitation to go a little deeper.
Step 2 is to look at your list of things that are annoying you, identify the incident that is annoying you the most, and see if you can find a possible explanation for the behavior or incident.
You will have to play detective and put yourself in the other person’s shoes for this.
For example, maybe your husband emptied the dishwasher, but didn’t put the dirty dishes in it afterward, could it be that a work call came in as he was doing it?
Or maybe the meltdown your teenager is having. Could it be that she is scared and sad and misses her regular life and her friends?
Or the fact that everyone is talking around you and you can’t concentrate. Could it be that you probably should move to another room that isn’t in the heart of the house so they can have those conversations?
Do you see where I am coming from here?
It really helps to take a step back from the situation and put ourselves in someone else’s shoes if what we truly want is to feel more connected to our people.
But what we often do is the opposite. We create disconnect by letting our anger out on them. Right?
Sometimes this process helps me see that what was bothering me was not really that big of a deal, and I can let it go.
And sometimes it shows me that a conversation needs to happen with the other person. The blessing here is that because you did the pre-work and got your anger out and got your mind right, you will be able to approach this conversation in a more loving, peaceful way.
Had you not done this work, you would be feeling anger and annoyance, and the conversation would not go well. I’m sure you’ve experienced this before.
OK. So this has been some great work, but we are not done! Don’t have that conversation until you go through the rest of the steps.
Step three is to write down your intention for how you want to feel about your people right now. This step helps you remember how you truly want to feel within your family. And it will help you respond with love, instead of react with anger.
Intentions should always be stated in the present tense. It’s a mental thing. For example, you might say: I have a peaceful family. OR I have a fun-filled family. OR I have a loving family. All of those things are probably true, you just forget about them when you’re frustrated. So we want to remind ourselves.
Here is an intention that I currently have – Our family is stronger because of this situation.
Have you thought about that yet? Have you thought about what you want the end result of this situation to be? I have. I want to come out of this situation more closely connected as a family, not disconnected by frustration.
Setting this intention and thinking about it helps us to respond with love, rather than react from anger when something feels annoying to us. Because we know that only love can come from love.
Step four is to write down all of the blessings or things that were good within your family in the last 24 hours.
Some examples are … I am grateful that …. My husband made dinner. My oldest son took out the trash. My daughter kept herself busy dancing this afternoon. We had a nice time on our walk yesterday. Things were peaceful most of the day. It’s Monday and the kids are back to e-learning, which will give us a bit more structure. You get the picture. Try to find 5-10 things you can be grateful for.
Then the final step. Step 5 is to decide on one action step that will make your Intention true today. So, if your intention is that you have a fun-filled family, what is something fun you could do today? I saw a friend on facebook the other day who took her little girls out to jump in the rain puddles. That looked fun.
Or if your intention is that you have a peaceful family. Perhaps you decide to try something new at dinner tonight. Maybe you all go around the table and say one thing you are grateful for. Or maybe each person gives a compliment to another person? Use your creativity here.
So, I think you can see what I am driving at! This one little action step will help you live into the intention you want.
So, to recap. Our five steps to find your happy when your people are driving you crazy are.
1. Journal out your frustrations.
2. Pick the biggest frustration and try to see it from the other person’s perspective.
3. Write an intention for how you want to feel.
4. Write 5-10 things you are grateful for with respect to the situation.
5. Decide on one action step that will help you live into your intention.
So that’s what I have for you today. I know this is easier said than done, so reach out to me if you need help. I would love to help you.
Thank you so much for listening in. Please let me know if you have any specific questions.
Remember! Download your free guide Daily Gratitude Journal. I will put the link for you to download it in the show notes. And join us in the Life Designed community on Facebook.
Thank you! See you next week!