The Gifts of My Miscarriage

Many people ask me about my connection with God. I feel like this story is one of the stories from my life that helps show how having a relationship with God can bring peace in the midst of chaos or hurt.

I offer this story to you with the hope and prayer that it buoys your faith and that it inspires you to look for the blessings, no matter what trials you may face in life.

For more inspiration, join me in my private A Life Designed community on Facebook.
​
Also, I have created a free Marriage Communication Masterclass for you! This class is for you if you want to stop fighting with your husband and feel like you are on the same team. 

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to A Life Designed.
 
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to get everything done and still have time and energy for themselves. My passion is for helping women create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in those most important relationships.
 
The topic of today’s podcast is The Gifts of My Miscarriage
 
But before we get started I want to let you know I have created a free Communication in Marriage MasterClass for you. This class is for you if you have ever felt like you can’t get through to your husband. If you feel like your husband never listens to you. If you lose your cool during difficult conversations. If you’re tired of fighting with your husband.
 
In just 30 minutes, this class will help you lay the foundation for healthy communication in marriage and teach you how to handle difficult conversations so you can feel more connected and like you’re on the same team as your husband. Visit the link in the show notes to access it.
 
Also, I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. It’s actually a happy place on facebook. I hope you’ll join us!
 
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about The Gifts of My Miscarriage
 
Many people ask me about my connection with God. I feel like this story is one of them that helps show how having this connection can bring peace in the midst of chaos.
 
I feel like this story brings hope and I pray that it brings hope to you, no matter what trials you may face in life.
 
So, we had Tyler in December of 2002. We were hoping to have another child about 2 years later.
 
We did indeed get pregnant in time to make that happen. I went to my 8 week appointment, and everything was fine. I was feeling quite yucky with this pregnancy. Moreso than when I was pregnant with Tyler.
 
Then, August 13th, 2004 happened. That was when Hurricane Charley hit Southwest Florida just north of where we lived. Charley was a category 4 hurricane. Our area was spared of the worst of it, but we did have quite a bit of wind and rain damage.
 
Our house was all boarded up with plywood as we waited out the storm. We lost power, of course, and it was pretty hot sleeping that first night.
 
I felt pretty uncomfortable in my pregnancy. Like really uncomfortable.
 
But, the morning after the hurricane, I woke up and I felt well. Like, too well. It was like I wasn’t pregnant anymore.
 
I shared that with Paul, but I tried to stay positive. Luckily, I had a regular 12 week appointment coming up on that Monday.
 
Over that weekend, Paul had to leave town to go to Tampa, because his office was damaged by the hurricane. He had to relocate all of the computers and servers to a safe co-location facility and get the business up and running as fast as possible. They were losing money every minute those servers were down.
 
On Monday morning, I dropped Tyler off at my mother-in-law’s and went to the hospital for my appointment. I felt very nervous. I was trying to stay positive. But the whole scene was eerie. The atrium in the hospital had sustained damage to the windows, so some of them were boarded up. And the hospital was running on generator, because they still didn’t have power.
 
When my doctor came in to see me in the exam room, he placed the doppler on my stomach and was trying to find the heartbeat. I didn’t tell him what I suspected. I didn’t want him to think I was crazy, for one. And also, I didn’t want to say it and make it true. I didn’t want it to be true. So I just nervously waited while he kept moving the doppler around trying to find the heartbeat.
 
After a few moments of trying, he said, “You know, Tina. I just got back from vacation, and I’m out of practice, let’s go in the ultrasound room where there is a better machine.
 
I still didn’t tell him. But now I knew the truth. My doctor had been practicing for over 20 years. I’m sure his vacation wasn’t a factor in his not finding a heartbeat. But I loved the gentleness of his demeanor.
 
In the other room with the ultrasound, we did not find a heartbeat, and he had to say the words. That we had lost the baby. It was very shocking at 12 weeks.
 
I called Paul and told him I needed him to come home from Tampa, because I was going to need surgery. This was very stressful to him – he was performing surgery of his own, trying to get his company back up and running.
 
We scheduled the D&C for a couple of days later.
 
After the surgery I was really weak. And I felt like the nurses shoved me out the door pretty quickly.
 
To make a long story short, and less scary, I’ll just say that we barely made it home from the hospital, and Paul had to call an ambulance for me.
 
I woke up laying on the garage floor to the sound of emergency vehicle sirens. They took me back to the hospital where I spent the rest of the day getting fluids and lots of tests to see what happened. No answers, so at the end of the day, they sent me home.
 
The next day, I assured Paul that I was OK, and he could go back to Tampa. But first thing that morning my phone rang. I was sitting in Tyler’s sweet, baby blue room in the rocking chair drinking a nice cup of coffee while he played on the floor with cars. The person on the phone was my doctor himself.
 
He said, “I can’t believe I have to say this after everything that happened the first time, but the lab reports came in, and we need to repeat your D&C procedure. I’m so sorry. This has never happened to me in 20 years of being in practice.”
 
I didn’t understand why or how that would ever need to be. I had never heard of that happening.
 
I told him I was scared because of what happened the last time. That I didn’t like how they shoved me out the door so quickly after the procedure.
 
He said he would perform this procedure in the perinatal unit where I would get more care and I could stay as long as I wanted.
 
And he wanted me to come in the same day.
 
I couldn’t even get my head around this. And no. I could not come in that day. I was already drinking coffee! Paul was in Tampa. And I needed to make sure Paul’s parents could help with Tyler.
 
So, we set it up for the next day. Paul’s parents could take Tyler. Paul came home from Tampa. And my mom flew in from Chicago.
 
With my luck, that night I came down with a high fever and had to be taken into the emergency room again to make sure I was OK, before the procedure the next day. They said I was fine, so home I went.
 
The next day the doctor repeated the procedure in the perinatal unit. The nurses were amazing. I stayed until I felt well enough. My mom was there with me, which was a bonus.
 
What a crazy experience. So, now it was officially time to recover physically and emotionally.
 
To help cope with the loss, I got myself a little amethyst birthstone ring – that was the baby’s projected birth month. It just felt good having something close to me to remind me. The baby would have been a girl, I am told.
 
And here is the lesson.
 
Because you know I always try to find the good in the bad. Just a couple of months later, in January, my father called me to tell me that I should call my grandfather. That he was passing away – probably in the next day or so.
 
I said. Call? No way. I’m coming. So I hopped on a plane to try to get there in time. But I didn’t make it. I arrived in Chicago around 11:00 at night. My dad said we should get some sleep, then we would get up early and go visit.
 
But my grandfather passed overnight. We drove to his house first thing in the morning and I did get to see him. I was glad to be able to lay my eyes on him. So peacefully resting in his favorite chair. Hospice let him remain in his chair that day until everyone had a chance to get into town and say their good-byes.
 
All of my cousins gathered and we spent the day reliving so many amazing memories. Although I was so sad that I lost my grandfather, I am so glad I got to be there. The memory of that day with my family is one of the best memories I have in my whole life. It was such a gift.
 
You guys. My baby was due in February. If I was pregnant, I would not have been able to hop on a plane to be with my grandfather and my family, because I would have been in my 3rd trimester. That would have tormented me.
 
So, that’s the gift I see in this. That’s where our faith comes in. Even with something as heartbreaking as miscarriage, we can trust God. And look for the gifts and blessings.
 
Even though this was the end of my grandfather’s life, we were all renewed by the sharing of the gift of his presence in our lives growing up. It was such a special day. Honestly, one of my most precious days.
 
But that’s not all. God had another gift in store for me. The gift of Alyssa. I got pregnant with her that February, and she was born in November. I can’t imagine life without my Alyssa.
 
I have become an expert at looking at life in this way. It buoys my faith and brings me true peace and joy. This is something I believe God is asking me to teach others. Maybe you are someone who needs this gift. If so, reach out to me. I am here.
 
Thank you so much for listening in. And I would just like to end this podcast today a little differently, because this is a tender subject. Let’s end with prayer. Heavenly Father, please bless all of your babies in the world born and unborn. Please protect them. We ask this in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.