How to Improve Your Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is something many women tell me they need more of, so in this week's podcast, I’m going to share with you what self-confidence is, where you can find it and how to get more of it.

I'll also share a personal story of how I started working my own self-confidence.

If you would like more inspiration, download my Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care HERE!

And join us in the Life Designed Community on Facebook! 

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to A Life Designed.
 
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in their most important relationships.
 
The topic of today’s podcast is How to Increase Your Self-Confidence.
 
But before we get started I want to let you know I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. I hope you’ll join us!
 
Also, I have created a free download call the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care. It’s a Guide to help you take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit so you can feel like your best self every day. Visit my website tinahaisman.com to download it.
 
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about How to Increase Your Self Confidence
 
Self-confidence is something many women tell me they need more of, so I’m going to share with you what self-confidence is, where you can find it, how to get more of it and a personal story as well.
 
I would define self-confidence as believing in yourself. Believing in who you are and what you can do. Master Life Coach Brooke Castillo says self-confidence is an overall mindset about your ability in all areas of your life.
 
The dictionary defines self-confidence as a feeling of trusting in one’s abilities, qualities and judgment.
 
I want you to note that word feeling. Because that’s one of the most important things we need to know about self-confidence. It is a feeling. And where do feelings come from? Yes. You guessed it! Our thoughts!
 
Many people think self-confidence is a thought or a fact. Or it’s something you either have or you don’t. But it’s not. Self-confidence is a feeling that you can control by what you think.
 
We all remember that our thoughts cause our feelings, and our feelings cause our actions.
 
This is great news, because if you are not feeling self-confident, you can change that by changing your thoughts. This means self-confidence is something you can cultivate.
 
I think every single person has experienced feeling low self-confidence at one time or another. Why is it so prevalent? Perhaps because our brains are programmed to always be looking for what is wrong, rather than what is right. So we notice everything that’s wrong with us before we notice what is right.
 
Master Life Coach Brooke Castillo says, “Your brain does not produce self-confidence naturally. It produces fear, worry and doubt.” That’s just the way it works, my friends.
 
When we are lacking in self-confidence, we feel lonely and uninvited. We feel stuck in the comparison trap comparing ourselves to other women who look like they are clearly doing everything better than we are.
 
When we feel low in self-confidence, we also fail to show up in the world as our best selves. We lose track of what our purpose and our mission in life. We are lost.
 
And I’ve got news for you. When we are lost, the whole world loses, my friend. I want you to know, this self-confidence thing is about more than you. The whole world needs you to work on finding your self-confidence. YOU make the world a better place! We need you leading the way!
 
So, if we want to have self-confidence, we have to know who we are, what we are here to do, and what we are good at. We have to start intentionally looking for everything that is right and good about ourselves.
 
I’ll teach you how to do that, but first, I’d like to share a story to show you what I mean.
 
When it was time for Tyler to go to preschool, I picked a school that I loved for him, but we didn’t have any friends there. My two closest friends both sent their children to schools closer to their home.
 
So, at this sweet little preschool, many of the other moms were friends and had grown up together. And probably picked the same school on purpose. They were all very sweet and beautiful and fun.
 
As I noticed them interacting, they seemed to have an ease about their relationships. It seemed like they were very loving and supportive friendships.
 
I noticed how much they helped each other and how the easily took each other’s children to watch them for the afternoon or to go somewhere and play.
 
It was really beautiful. And admirable.
 
I wanted that. I wanted friendships like that.
 
So, I was feeling down on myself. Like I was an outsider not worthy of being friends with them. To be clear, they didn’t do anything specific to make me feel this way, but this is all going on in my head.
 
I wasn’t pretty enough. Funny enough. Fun enough or easy-going enough. I saw all of my faults when I compared myself to them.
 
It actually caused me to shy away from interacting with them, because I didn’t think I had anything to offer. I felt insecure. Inferior and inadequate. I didn’t feel like I measured up.
 
So I took this to my life coach for help. She worked with me to help me see what gifts I have that make me unique and special. And how I would be a blessing to a friend group like that.
 
Some of the things I immediately identified were that I am organized. Friendly. Honest. Faith-filled. Spirit-led. Efficient. Smart. Funny. Loving. Detail-oriented. Hard-working. Ethical. Respectful. Hopeful. Positive. Optimistic. Loving mother and wife. And a good friend.
 
Focusing on my gifts gave me the confidence to be myself and to drop my negative worries and make an effort to get to know these women.
 
And what a blessing that was. During that time when my husband and I went through our rough patch, these women were part of my support tribe. They were there for me.
 
If I had not gotten out of my negative thoughts, I would have missed the beauty of those friendships and their support when I really needed it. I still treasure them today!
 
So, how do you feel more self-confident? I’m going to give you some things you can do!
 
One step is to make a list of all of your gifts and talents. Come up with at least 20 things. I recommend writing this list on a 3x5 notecard so you can review it every morning and every evening and before any situation that will require your self-confidence. This will fill your mind with positivity about yourself that will help you combat those negative thoughts.
 
Then, you have to practice replacing thoughts that produce low self-confidence with thoughts that produce high self-confidence. This takes awareness. Paying attention. Intentionally choosing your thoughts. Did you know you get to do that?
 
For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” you could replace that thought with, “I am good enough.” Then go review all of your amazingness on your notecard.
 
If you notice yourself thinking, “I don’t know or I don’t know how,” replace that thought with something like, “I can figure this out.”
 
If you find yourself thinking, “I’m afraid to fail,” you could think instead, “I’m willing to feel the fear and do it anyway.”
 
It’s really important to our well-being that we know who we are and what our gifts are. So we can have self-confidence and know that we are exactly who we are supposed to be. We are not less than any other woman.
 
When we have more self-confidence, we set bigger goals, take more action, achieve more results and live lives that are much more fulfilling and meaningful.
 
We show up in the world as our best version of ourselves. We use the gifts God has given us to make a difference in the world around us. We feel energetic, happy and successful. And we know how to solve problems in our life using our strengths.
 
Another really cool thing about being self-confident is that we don’t feel the need to put down others or judge them to feel good about ourselves. We just decide to feel good about ourselves ahead of time. Then let other people do whatever they are going to do.
 
So if this is something you would like to work on cultivating further, reach out to me for a Self Confidence mini session. We will take a look at where you are with it, where you want to be and what is holding you back.
 
Remember! I have created the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care to help you feel like your best self every day. You will find it on my website.
 
Don’t forget to join the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
 
Thank you! See you next week!