When most of us fall in love our spouse can do no wrong. But somewhere along the way, we start to get annoyed by their little quirks and habits. And that’s all we can focus on. I once had a client tell me her husband’s breathing bothered her. Yikes!
So, what do we do? How do we resolve our differences with these annoyances in marriage?
How can we get past a state of frustration and find those loving, happy feelings again? Tune in to this episode of the podcast to learn how!
If you need more inspiration for self-care in motherhood, you can download my Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care HERE! It’s a Guide to help you take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit so you can feel like your best self every day.
And join us in the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
Welcome to A Life Designed.
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to get everything done and still have time and energy for themselves. My passion is for helping women create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in those most important relationships.
The topic of today’s podcast is How to Feel Happier in Marriage
But before we get started I want to let you know I have created a free download call the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care. I’m really proud of this guide. It’s a Guide to help you take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit so you can feel like your best self every day. And that topic goes just perfectly with our theme today! Visit my website tinahaisman.com to download it.
Also, I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. It’s actually a happy place on Facebook. I hope you’ll join us!
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about How to Feel Happier in Marriage
My client is married to a guy who can’t seem to let go of things. Whether it’s T-shirts from high school or old CD’s of his favorite artists. Or even more modern, seemingly useful things – like pens, coins, pins, electronic cords and even brochures from places he’s been or is interested in. He has all of these things stashed in more junk drawers in the house than anyone else.
There are more everyday things too, for example, he is bulging out of his closet with all of his clothes – even though he only wears a small handful of them. And he can’t seem to get rid of several pairs of his “retired” running shoes – even though he no longer wears them.
When he comes home from work, he dumps his shoes, jacket, briefcase and coffee mug right on and near the kitchen table and chairs. So much so, that his wife has to clear it all off of and away from the table so the family can sit down and eat dinner.
Amanda on the other hand prefers to live clutter free. She admits she’s not perfect, but she tries to keep her belongings to a minimum and, possibly, most importantly, organized. She has designated places to put things.
Her husband, on the other hand, does not. This is where a bit of bickering and resentment come into play, because John feels like Amanda is always moving his things. He never knows where to find them, because she has cleaned them up and moved them.
This bothers John and feels disrespectful to him, but Amanda assures me she feels disrespected by the piles of hubby’s things randomly laying all over the house.
So, what is this couple to do? How do they solve this problem?
Let me share with you this thought. Sometimes what is needed is not a solution, but rather a change in perspective.
If I could give you one tip for more happiness in your marriage it would be don’t sweat the small stuff.
Because, girls, what causes the breakup of many marriages is not big stressors like addictions or infidelity. It is the little things.
And it is letting the little things turn into big things by focusing on them. And letting them fog up your lenses. They cloud your big picture view of everything that is going on.
Let me share with you this secret.
Whatever we focus on in our marriages is what we will find. If you are sure your husband is disrespectful to you for leaving his piles of junk everywhere, and you focus on that, you will continue to find those piles of junk. And they will. Drive. You. Crazy.
But if you are sure that your husband loves you and respects you. You will find evidence of that. You’ll notice things like – the fact that he goes to work for your family every day. That he takes out the trash when it’s full. That he is your partner in raising your children. That he listens to you when you speak. That he takes your opinions seriously.
All of those good things. Just look and you will find those ways that he is good to you!
Girls, a thriving marriage takes a lot of grace. We are two imperfect humans who have been put together under the same roof for the better part of our lives.
I know in the beginning of your relationship you thought your husband could do no wrong, but now that you live with him, you tend to see more of what he does wrong than what he does right. That’s par for the course of life, girls! It’s not a reason to give up! It’s a reason to persevere.
This might sound crazy, but on the harder days or through the harder times of my marriage I have often thought of that day when I arrive in heaven. I imagine giving Jesus a big hug, and saying something tongue-in-cheek about my husband like, “Really? Why did you have to give me such a difficult one? That was really hard!” We will both laugh and he will hold me by the shoulders and say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
Because God has given me the exact man I need to be with. I truly believe that.
And loving people is easy when it’s easy. Am I right? There’s no effort there. But when things get hard. When people are difficult or annoying … or they push your buttons … that’s when REALLY loving someone kicks in.
But I want you to know. You’re not alone. We are all annoyed from time-to-time by our spouses.
I’m just asking you to try to choose to see the goodness. To focus your attention elsewhere.
The bible talks a lot about grace. You can do a google search on that. But I wanted to share one verse I thought could help us remember to give grace. Romans 11:6. It says: “And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works, if it were, grace would no longer be grace.”
So, we do not get grace from God by doing good works. We get it simply by being. So, too must we give it to our spouses. They deserve it every bit as much as we do.
I could go on, but I think you get the point!!
I know this concept is easier said than done, and it really helps to have someone help you. I’d love to be that gal for you.
If you would like to know more about how you can bring more happiness into your marriage, message me for a complimentary consultation. We can take a look at what is happening in your life now, how you think it should be and come up with a plan to get you there.
In the meantime. Remember! I have created a free Ultimate Guide to Guilt Free Self Care for you. That’s a great place to start feeling happier in marriage!
Don’t forget to join the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
Thank you! See you next week!