“I stink at this marriage thing.” Or “I’m not a very good mother.” Or “I'm failing at everything.”
Do you ever think negative thoughts like these? They may seem minor, but they aren’t.
Negative self-talk is a problem that causes us to feel defeated and less than. And it takes us away from God’s plans for us.
Tune in to today’s podcast, and I will show you where you might be suffering form negative self-talk and how you can overcome it so you can feel like your best self every day.
If you're tired of feeling exhausted all of the time, download my Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care HERE!
And join us in the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
Welcome to A Life Designed.
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to get everything done and still have time and energy for themselves. My passion is for helping women create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in those most important relationships.
The topic of today’s podcast is How to Decrease Your Negative Self-Talk
But before we get started I want to let you know I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. It’s actually a happy place on facebook. I hope you’ll join us!
Also, I have created a free download call the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care. I’m really proud of this guide. It’s a Guide to help you take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit so you can feel like your best self every day. Visit my website tinahaisman.com to download it.
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about How to Decrease Your Negative Self-Talk
Once while Paul and I were walked our cute, little, fluffy Cavachon, Bentley, I started sharing some frustration with my lack of forward progress in a certain aspect of my business, and I literally said out loud, “Apparently, I really suck at that.” Then I fake giggled, as if to make the statement funny.
Paul responded with a quick, “You just keep telling yourself that.”
Oh my gosh, you guys! He was so right! What a negative thing to say to yourself. I would never say that to anyone else! So, WHY on earth would I ever say it to myself?
There’s actually good reason for it.
Experts say humans have about 60,000 thoughts a day – and about 80% of them are negative. 80%
That’s insane! It’s like negativity is our default wiring.
So many of us are telling ourselves we’re not smart enough or thin enough or successful enough.
We tell ourselves we can’t have the things we want.
Even worse, we tell ourselves we don’t deserve the things we want.
These terrible thoughts are sabotaging our efforts to live a happy, healthy, whole life.
Because they are causing feelings of guilt, shame, regret and anxiety.
These feelings are actually holding you back from being the woman you want to be.
We’ve got to get a handle on this negative self-talk.
Because. No positive things are going to flow into our lives from negative thinking and feeling.
Friends, if you are constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough, you will condition yourself to believe it. It sinks deep down into our subconscious.
Yes. We all make mistakes, but we are not supposed to feel defeated and condemned by every mistake we make.
I’m curious. Are you in tune with your negative thoughts? Have you ever caught yourself talking to yourself this way?
Some of our negative thoughts are more near the surface and come out of our mouths like mind did the other day, but there are others that are a bit more sneaky and you really have to pay attention to notice them.
Sometimes we even mistake these negative thoughts for facts.
Here’s an example of one of those. The other day one of my clients said to me, “I really stink at this marriage thing.” She said it like it was a fact. And could be proven in a court of law. But it is in fact, just a thought she is having in the moment.
Another client said, “I am not doing this mom thing very well.” See how that one’s kind of sneaky. She’s saying it like it’s a fact. It’s not. It’s just a negative thought!
Another client said, “I feel like I’m failing at everything.” This client is stuck in negative self-talk. She’s telling herself so many little negative things, that it’s adding up to a big huge failing at everything thought. Ouch.
I think when we think these thoughts we somehow believe that they will help us to shape up and do better. But, unfortunately, the opposite is true.
Thinking these negative thoughts about ourselves increases negative feelings and results in our lives.
Play along with me here. Think the thought, “I’m failing at everything.”
How does that make you feel?
For me. It makes me feel terrible. Sad. Frustrated. Defeated.
I feel a pit in my stomach and heaviness in my whole body when I think about it. How about you? Take a minute and check in.
Then think to yourself, “what do I do when I feel terrible, sad or frustrated?”
Likely you will do something you think might comfort you, like eating or drinking or sleeping or getting lost on social media for a while. We call this buffering in the coaching world – it means taking an action to escape from feeling negative emotion.
Or you might get all stuck up in your head thinking negative thoughts about yourself and your situation.
The other thing that happens is that we might become grumpy and lash out at others around us.
So, you can see that the result of negative self-talk is that we feel bad and then we take actions that do not serve us.
So, I hope this has helped you understand a little about negative self-talk. And I hope I’ve convinced you it’s worth the effort to try to decrease it.
If you’re still on the fence, consider what God says about what we should be thinking about.
Philippians 4:8 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Negative self talk does not qualify as “such things.”
Now, let’s talk about how to turn our negative self-talk around.
Step 1 is simply becoming aware of it.
Then there are some simple things you can do, once you notice a self-sabotaging thought.
One is to come up with a replacement thought.
So if you catch yourself thinking, “I am failing at everything.” … You could replace that thought with something like, “Hey! I am a work in progress.” Or “Actually. I am getting better every day.” Or “I am only human, and I am learning.”
The purpose of this replacement thought is to get you to a more positive feeling that will allow you to take positive actions.
But there is a caveat. Your replacement thought has to be something you can actually believe.
If it’s tough for you to find a better thought, ask yourself, what would my best friend say? And if you have to, actually ask your best friend! She’s not going to let you beat yourself up like that!
Another idea is to go to gratitude.
Let’s keep going with the same negative thought, “I am failing at everything.”
How could you find some gratitude in the situation?
Perhaps you are grateful for a new day to try again? Or maybe you are grateful that you have friends or mentors to get help from? Or maybe you are grateful that you have support from your family as you keep trying to be better at whatever it is you are trying to be better at.
Gratitude is a sure-fire way to turn your negative feelings into positive ones.
I also love the idea of using intentions.
An intention is a statement for how you want something to be. It’s like programming your brain to think more positively and move your life in the direction you want it to go.
Here are some examples of positive intentions:
If you are struggling with thinking you aren’t patient enough as a mother – your intention could be -- I am a peaceful mother. Because there are moments when you ARE a peaceful mother.
If you are struggling with thinking you aren’t doing this marriage thing very well, your intention could be -- I am a loving wife. Because, even if you are in a difficult season, there ARE moments when you are a loving wife.
If you are struggling with sticking to a healthy eating plan, your intention could be – I am eating to fuel my body. Because while you are working on sticking to a healthy eating plan, there are moments when you do.
We could come up with an intention for whatever you are struggling with …
The idea here is that thinking a more positive thought will give you a more positive feeling, which will cause you to take positive actions that will help you achieve that intention that you set.
So those are 3 strategies you can use to decrease negative self-talk – finding a replacement thought, going to gratitude and setting a positive intention. These ideas might lead you to create a solution of your own, and if you do, share them with us!!
If this topic resonated with you, and you’re ready to stop beating yourself up so you can feel better and enjoy your life more, let’s set up a time to chat. Message me so I can help you.
In the meantime. Remember! I have created the Ultimate Guide to Guilt-Free Self-Care to help you feel like your best self every day. You will find it on my website.
Don’t forget to join the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
Thank you! See you next week!