Would you like to refresh and renew your marriage?
Are you looking to increase the feelings of connection between you and your husband?
Do you want to communicate better with your husband?
Then marriage coaching may be for you!
In today’s episode of the podcast I am going to share with you how marriage coaching works and what the difference between marriage counseling and marriage coaching is so you can see which method of professional help would be best to help you achieve your marriage goals.
For more inspiration, join me in my private A Life Designed community on Facebook.
Also, I have created a free Marriage Communication Masterclass for you! This class is for you if you want to stop fighting with your husband and feel like you are on the same team.
Welcome to A Life Designed.
My name is Tina Haisman. I teach busy moms how to get everything done and still have time for themselves. My passion is for helping women create more heart-to-heart connection with their husband and children so they can feel deeply fulfilled in their most important relationships.
The topic for today’s podcast is How Marriage Coaching Can Help Your Marriage
But before we get started I want to let you know I have created a free video on Communication in Marriage for you. This video is for you if you have ever felt like you can’t get through to your husband. If you feel like your husband never listens to you. If you lose your cool during difficult conversations. If you’re tired of fighting with your husband.
In just 30 minutes, this video will help you lay the foundation for healthy communication in marriage and teach you how to handle difficult conversations so you can feel more connected and like you’re on the same team as your husband. Visit the link in the show notes to access it.
Also, I have a FREE private group on Facebook where you can come to get inspiration for your life. It’s called A Life Designed. It’s actually a happy place on facebook. I hope you’ll join us!
Now let’s Dive IN and talk about How Marriage Coaching Can Help Your Marriage
I often receive questions what marriage coaching is like, so I thought we could talk about that today.
Because most people are familiar with marriage counseling, I think the best place to start is to tell you about some of the main differences between marriage counseling and the marriage and coaching that I do.
Before we get into it, I want to make sure you know that my intention is not to say one is better than the other. There is a time and a place for both methods of help. That’s why it’s good to know the difference. Sometimes counseling is called for, and sometimes coaching is called for.
O.K. So, let’s get started looking at the differences.
I would say there are four main differences.
First, with marriage counseling, usually the husband and wife go together to the sessions. Some coaches will coach the spouses together, but I don’t. I coach the wife only. This works in many cases, because it’s usually the wife who is looking to improve the marriage and grow the marriage. She can take the skills I teach her into her marriage and start creating real, positive change for the both of them.
Imagine for a moment that you are dancing the tango with your husband. You are leading. You have one hand on his shoulder and the other hand in his hand. Your feet are moving back and forth doing the tango. Then, suddenly, you decide it would be fun to dance the mambo and you start moving your feet side to side. What happens to your husband? He follows!
The second difference is the focus of the sessions. In marriage counseling, the clients are usually hurting from their current or past pain and are in need of healing.
But with relationship coaching, the assumption is that the clients are healthy and whole and are wanting to start from where they are and set goals and grow.
So, you can see those are two different spots in life to be needing help. Sometimes we need help when we are hurting, and other times, we just want to set goals and grow.
A third difference is the training of the therapist and the coach. Therapists have at least a four-year degree in counseling and are trained to handle the bigger issues that we’ve talked about.
Coaches generally get their education from a coaching certification program and might pick a specialization for their business depending on transformations they have made in their own lives.
In my case, it was the experience of using coaching to save and increase the happiness and connection in my marriage that propelled me to get certified as a coach.
A fourth difference is the approach. Counseling tends to focus on the solutions coming from talking during the sessions.
In coaching, we like to say the magic happens between the sessions. We spend the sessions talking about the situation, learning new skills and setting goals, then the client goes forth into their week to put their plan into action. That action is what creates the magic!
So, hopefully that helps you understand more about marriage coaching.
Now, let’s talk about how I work with my clients.
My ideal client is a woman who is interested in strengthening or improving her marriage by starting with improving herself.
I also love working with Christian women, because I believe our faith and our relationship with God really helps shape our view of marriage.
Whenever I start working with a client, our first order of business is usually her self-care. Many of our problems in life could be improved by us simply taking care of ourselves.
So we start by setting goals in that area of her life. This helps her to fill up her cup so she is feeling happier and more fulfilled and has a better outlook on life.
I also help her set goals for her relationship – how she wants it to look and feel. And if she wants me to, I teach her relationship skills to help her create more happiness and harmony in her marriage.
I can teach her about the differences between men and women and how they cause conflict. I teach her how to minimize that conflict. And I give her simple tools to help her create the marriage she wishes she had. I can teach her how to communicate with her husband in a way he can hear her.
I can teach her how to receive more love from her husband without making him change.
I can teach her how to stay calm and centered – even when her husband is losing his cool.
And I can teach her healthy ways to solve problems in marriage.
Research supports my approach and proves that one person working on the marriage can create real change. That's because the change starts with us. Whenever one person changes, the other person just naturally has to change. I like to say it invites him to change. And it’s so much better than trying to force someone to change, which is what people usually do.
I also use tools from positive psychology in my coaching practice.
In case you’re wondering what positive psychology is — it’s a psychological approach to helping people increase their well-being.
It comprises tools that are the same or similar to those in the coaching field that help people increase their happiness and well-being so they can flourish in life. What I love about it is that it’s got a lot of research behind it. So, lots of evidence of successful outcomes! It’s fun stuff.
Before we wrap up today, I’d like to share with you a few testimonials from my clients.
Marie said:” "Tina helped me in my marriage at just the right time, I swore her message was meant just for me. After 24 years, I knew that I didn’t want to leave, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay. With her coaching and guidance, I learned to look at my husband differently than I always had. I learned how to take care of myself first and to “keep my eyes on my own paper,” it was O.K. for us to have different answers. We are a stronger team now, and the best part, he doesn’t know why or how, just that it happened. Thank you Tina, for showing me how I could stay."
Other clients have said:
-- “Thank you. I feel so great! I can’t believe you get to do this for a living! You must be on a high all the time.”
-- "I'm so thankful for your sessions! You are doing a great thing!"
-- "I love using the techniques you taught me!"
-- "I'm very thankful for you, your ear, your guidance, your perspective."
-- “Working with you helps me set goals and strategize a way to reach them.”
-- “You have taught me how to communicate with my husband. It has been very helpful.”
So you see. Marriage Coaching is a great tool for working on your marriage. If you feel like it might be right for you, please reach out to me!
I would love to work with you.
Thank you so much for listening in. Please let me know if you have any specific questions.
In the meantime. Remember! I have created a free Marriage Communication video for you. Just click on the link in the show notes to access it.
Don’t forget to join the Life Designed Community on Facebook!
Thank you! See you next time!