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Have you ever experienced being put down by your spouse? Here are 3 Rules to Bringing Back the Peace.
Have you ever experienced being put down by your spouse? The person you are supposed to be able to trust the most?
Maybe you were having a disagreement and he lashed out with an insult.
Maybe he called you:
It is important to know we don’t ever need to take offense at an insult. The offense does not exist in the insult, but rather in the way we react to it.
In the interest of trying to have more peaceful, productive conversations with our husbands, I thought we’d take a look at one method of reacting to an insult.
Here is my method:
Rule #1 – Do NOT retaliate insults back. You will regret it.
Rule #2 – Understand he is insulting you because he feels hurt, angry and or frustrated. Since those are his feelings, not yours, he is the one who should be dealing with them, not you.
Rule #3 – Look within to see if what he is saying is really true.
Here’s how it works:
Step 1. When an insult is hurled and you feel the sting, stay calm and stall the conversation by saying, “Thank you for your opinion.”
Step 2. Let him know his insult hurts and he should stop. If he continues to be insulting, tell him you can pick the conversation up at another time when his emotions are more under control.
Step 3. Take some time alone for self-reflection.
Here’s an example of self-reflection: Say your husband calls you too rigid – is that true? Are you? Or is one of your God-given gifts for being structured, and your husband is just not liking it right now? Or are you being too rigid in this experience?
If the facts line up and you discover you are being too rigid in this case, then hubby (although he didn’t say it very nicely) is helping you by showing you that you might need to loosen up on this one. Or maybe you discover he is totally out of line. Either way, this is good information.
Also take some time to see the issue from his perspective. This will bring much clarity that is difficult to see in the heat of a battle. After your reflection, you can go back to the conversation with more information and understanding.
So, the moral of the story is to try not to focus so much on the insult, but rather on your reaction to it. We always want to strive to be the best version of ourselves. It is easy when things are going smoothly, but much more difficult in the heat of a disagreement.