What to Do When You and Your Husband Disagree About Parenting

One morning, I asked my husband to drive our daughter to school so I could leave early for a speaking engagement.

He agreed. Easy enough, right?

Then I overheard them making plans to go out to breakfast before school.

And I immediately jumped in to shut it down.

"Wait, no — that means she'll have to get up early! The whole point of you driving her was so she could sleep in!"

My husband looked at me and said something I'll never forget:
"You asked for my help. So let me handle it."

Ouch.

But he was right.

Yes, I would have preferred she sleep in a little longer. But what about the amazing memory she would have had with her dad that morning? A special breakfast. Quality time.

Just the two of them.

I almost took that away from them.

Maybe you've been there too?

Your husband offers to help with the kids, but then he does it... differently. And instead of letting him parent his way, you step in to "correct" him.

Here's what I've learned: Parenting disagreements aren't problems to solve. They're opportunities to connect.
 
Why We Struggle to Let Go
Recently, I heard a young mom share her frustration. Her husband offered their child a treat as a reward for eating dinner.

She was mortified.

"That's terrible parenting!" she thought. "I'm with her all day — I know that won't work!"
And honestly? I get it.

We're with our kids more. We know their patterns. We've read the parenting books. We've figured out what works.

So when our husbands come in and do something different — something we think is wrong — our instinct is to correct them.

But here's the truth:
Both parenting styles are important.

There's a quote I love: "Mothers parent the little boy. Fathers parent the man."

Think about that for a moment.

A mother looks at her son and will always see her little boy. A father looks at his son and sees the man he is destined to become. One protects who he was; the other prepares who he will be.​

Our husbands bring something to parenting that we can't. They show our kids how to take risks. How to be brave. How to get back up after they fall.

And yes, sometimes that means doing things differently than we would.

And that's okay.
 
Parenting Is a Team Effort
When we disagree about parenting, it's easy to think:
"I'm right. He's wrong. End of story."

But what if we shifted our perspective?

What if parenting disagreements are actually opportunities to get to know our husbands better?

To understand how he thinks. Why he makes the choices he makes. What he values.

When we slow down the conversation and ask questions instead of immediately telling him he's wrong, everything changes.
 
3 Ways to Handle Parenting Disagreements
 
1. Let Him Parent His Way (Even If It's Different)
When you delegate something to your husband — bedtime, a meal, a school drop-off — let go of the outcome.

He's not going to do it your way. And that's not a bad thing.

In my breakfast story, my husband was right. I asked for his help, so I needed to let him handle it.

And you know what? That breakfast became a special memory for my daughter.

When we micromanage our husbands, we rob our kids of unique experiences with their dads.

Yes, maybe he'll give them a treat before dinner. Maybe bedtime will be 30 minutes late. Maybe they'll wear mismatched clothes to school.

But they'll have fun. They'll bond. And they'll learn that Dad's way is valid too.
 
2. Ask Questions Instead of Correcting
When your husband does something you disagree with, resist the urge to immediately correct him.

Instead, get curious.

Try saying:

• "I'm curious — what made you decide to do it that way?"
• "Help me understand your thinking on this."
• "What were you hoping would happen?"

This does two things:

​First, it shows respect. You're treating him like a capable parent, not a child who needs instruction.

Second, it opens up conversation. You might actually learn something about how he thinks and why he parents the way he does.

Parenting disagreements are opportunities to connect — not opportunities to prove you're right.
 
3. Present a United Front to Your Kids
Even when you disagree with your husband's parenting choice, don't undermine him in front of the kids.

Support him publicly. Discuss it privately.

If he tells your child they can have dessert before dinner and you think that's a terrible idea?

Smile. Let it happen. Talk to him later.

Why?

Because when kids see you constantly correcting Dad or rolling your eyes at his decisions, they learn:

• Mom's way is the "right" way
• Dad doesn't really know what he's doing
• They can play you against each other

Your kids need to see you as a team.

Even when you don't agree on everything.
 
Both Parenting Styles Matter
Here's what I wish I had understood earlier in my parenting journey:
My husband's parenting style isn't wrong. It's just different.

And our kids need BOTH.

They need my nurturing, my attention to detail, my emotional presence.

AND they need his playfulness, his risk-taking, his "let's figure it out" approach.

When I try to make him parent exactly like me, I'm robbing our kids of half of what they need.

God gave them both a mom AND a dad for a reason.
 
Ready to Strengthen Your Marriage and Parenting Partnership?
If you're struggling with parenting disagreements or feeling like you're doing it all alone, I'd love to help.

Book a complimentary consultation →

We'll talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there.

You don't have to figure this out on your own.

With love,
Tina