So, both of these women have a husband who has experienced losing his wallet every Monday morning. It just seems in the flurry of activity over the weekend the wallet has gone missing.
Wife A says, "You always lose your wallet over the weekend." Half-jokingly, of course.
Wife B says, "You always find it."
Which response is better? Which response gets you the outcome you want of your husband not losing his wallet every Monday? Which response builds the husband up instead of tearing him down? Wife B's response, of course.
When we say something to our spouse like, "You ALWAYS lose your wallet," even if we are half-joking, we are creating a spouse-fulfilling prophecy. We are encouraging that problem to continue.
But when we say something more supportive like, "You ALWAYS find it," we are encouraging the problem to go away and focus on the positive in the situation, which is finding the wallet.
Wife B found that after a period of time of responding in this positive manner, the problem "magically" went away and hubby stopped losing his wallet every Monday morning.
As a result, the house was much more peaceful and everyone was happier on Mondays. Don't we all want that!!